All in all, these past few weeks have been, in three words, 1. stretching, 2. emotional, and 3. beautiful. I'm ridiculously slow in some things, so I'm finally learning that we are actually a family. I can trust them, I can love them, and they trust & love me. It's taken a while to be not just transparent, but completely honest with them in word and action. And that brings me to the biggest lesson God's been teaching me in these days, and that is being honest before Him.
I've never tried to hide things from Him, for I know He sees all and knows all. But I have not been bringing my deepest thoughts, emotions and questions before Him. In our group study, Seeking Him, we just finished going through the chapter on Honesty. Reading through that last week and the week prior, God just spoke through and showed me how I need to purposefully bring anything that doesn't fully line up with His word and way, before Him, in honesty, stating it in plain color as best I can, and asking Him to give me wisdom in whatever I'm confused about. This morning, during team meeting, our head revivalist and "dad" of the team, Gregg, responded to my sharing of this insight. He reminded me of the Psalms, of how raw the prayers were. And then my team brother Andrew spoke up. He shared that he has had times of not being honest before God about how he's feeling or what he's dealing with because the feelings aren't spiritual, they don't match up with what is right, which is exactly the reason why I was avoiding addressing the confusing and warring thoughts and emotions inside me (so it was a blessing to know I'm not alone). God will never despise honesty. We can go to Him and say, "God, I'm not sure what's going on", "I'm angry right now", "That hurt me", and the like, without fear of rejection. For our God is a loving and attentive Father. We can tell Him exactly how we're struggling and He will not punish us for that.
I know when I see or feel something that I know is not the best, or I'm confused, I want to toss it aside, saying it's not right, I need to get my act together, and all that-- not dealing with the root issue every time. And while I toss out the stem, the roots continue to spread out. And that's another prayer of mine, which I shared this morning: I need to start asking God to show me the true, honest state of my mind and heart, because a lot of times I don't know how I'm doing because there is so much going on inside AND out. I take in other's emotions and attitudes and intentions, and while I'm terribly introspective, I have a hard time discerning my innermost beliefs and true heart status. And instead of passing by that claiming I'm just "complicated" and always will be, I need to be brave enough to ask God to reveal the honest state of my soul to me. Which is a little bit intimidating. :) But He's helping me through it, above and beside and before me.
(I shared what went on last night in my annuntiato blog post-- that stands as a big point in my walk, too.)
The group of kids at Tega Cay Baptist in Fort Mills was fantastic, if not just a bit easily distracted. ;) One really neat thing that happened was Monday night with a little boy named Sawyer. I asked him what his favorite Bible story was.
"Jesus dying on the cross."
"Oh, really?
"No, wait. When Mary came to the tomb and the stone was rolled away and she got to see Jesus when He rised again."
"That is so cool, buddy! Why is that your favorite?"
"Because Jesus took all our sins away and we don't have to sin anymore...." He then went on to give me about a 2 minute straightforward explanation of Jesus' salvation and forgiveness, with excitement in his voice and a twinkle in his eye. While we sat there coloring together, it hit me: We don't have to convince these kids of anything. They have no reason to not believe God. Our job is to give them stories, truths and feelings they won't forget as they grow up. We're not just planting seeds of faith. We're laying paving stones for them to walk on and praying that they stay on this path. I'm reminded of the quote I first heard in public speaking class: "People might not remember what you say, but they won't forget how you make them feel." That's more true for kids than anyone, I think. My first experience in Base Camp at age 10 impacted me so much as to help lead me to where I am today: hundreds of miles away from my home teaching children about Jesus and how much He loves them and how we respond to His love in obedience and joy.
On top of all that cool stuff... :) I got to room with Kristin Pool. Which was basically the best. My favorite day was the day we went to a private gym, had the whole place to ourselves, and made videos of our workouts and "ninja warrior training". #toteshilarious
On the drive to Bristol, we stopped at a Wendy's and had two sweet interactions with ladies who were asking what ministry we're with. One runs her own animal shelter that, as she said, absolutely has the blessing of God upon it; for, every animal that's ever come in has very quickly found a perfect home. Her love and passion for Jesus was astounding. She blessed us and we got to pray with her and tell her about what we do. It was beautiful. Walking out, a kind little older lady called over to us, and walking back to her, she just said how blessed she was by Josh (one of my teammates) stood and held the door for her and her husband, while the rest of the team made way for them inside. Me and Abby got to talk with her and pray with her outside, and she gave us an envelope of "Cross in my Pocket" tokens, which she carries around with her to give to whomever the Lord leads her to. Needless to say, Abby and I were pumped leaving that Wendy's. :)
Ahhh, so much. I will update y'all near the end of this summit (which is next Wednesday)! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all y'alls endless love and encouragement. Love you guys and you're in my thoughts and prayers!
