finally.

Note: This post was written about a week ago, just before we left Missouri and I was hit with the flu. Please excuse the mightily jumbled update! I hope to stay consistent in writing a post after each summit from here on out!!

Hello, lovely people!
So. After numerous half-written blog posts and failed attempts to put into words all that I have seen and learned these past few weeks, I am decided to simply start up again from this point, and from here on hopefully do a better job staying on top of my updates. :)  I do apologize to any of you who've been wondering where I disappeared to for about a month! In all seriousness though.

I have been through many ups and downs. That is life itself, indeed. But once on the other side of a trial, one is able to offer helpful perspectives and maybe even advice; if nothing else, a clearer telling of what the trial entailed. (Like our most recent host dad said, we tend to see grace best in the rear-view mirror.) 
Without remembering a clear date, I would date this struggle back to about last November, when I became ill in, ironically, Illinois.  God still spoke to me through Scripture, song, prayer and the exhortation of others, but I went through many days of doubting my salvation, focusing on my own merit and considering my failure to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit to be the plumb line of this issue. Foolish, I know. But my mind was trying to wrap itself around the biggest questions of my life and was in continual confusion and frustration and overall,  a desperate desire for my mind & heart to be genuine and unified, to not have anything fake in my conduct and to not imagine up my belief system. Again, foolish. In January, during our teams' reunion, just before stepping into life again, I finally broke down and voiced all my questions and frustrations to God. Sitting beneath an oak tree growing colder by the minute as the sun slowly began it's descent, I spewed out the most raw and bold and pessimistic thoughts to the Lord that I believe I ever have, feeling utterly alone and rejected by Him and, as a person, hopeless. In the end, I cried out desperately to Him for help. And He assured me that He is there. His word stands firm. And He promised He will never leave or forsake me, no matter how I feel. And that He will give me the power to overcome the lies and despair of the enemy whenever I ask Him to. I just have to trust Him, and ask.
Thus began this extraordinary consequent journey.

So! Where am I now?  Missouri, right. Our last church was in Oxford, Alabama. Here is just a snippet from what I wrote
for that summit...
"...After 5 Thirst conferences back to back-- meaning, very little downtime, what with setting up,
being in one place for 6 days and then leaving again--  almost everyone on  the team was running on fumes. Travel day last Friday was rough, mainly because I had a bad attitude to top off my personal pity party. But God spoke through and our set-up Saturday went really well, complete with the best vehicle- washing bonding time, Walmart run with Jordan, and dinner at Debbie and Angela's house followed by an epic time of Jordie and I playing Barbies. Much to my dismay, I was tired more days than not, making my memories rather foggy..."
We had an incredible, loving couple for host parents. Mr. Wayne and Miss Ginger's home was a classic picture of  southern hospitality; not only were they astonishingly gracious to Jordan and myself, but they seemed to have company stop by almost every night our first week there, just to chat for a few minutes. We bonded with them and their kitties, had a few movie nights that were either emotional or Disney or both. Through our conversations, I personally  was very encouraged and inspired by their love for Jesus and their desire to see their own family and the families in the church in close relationship with God.
Our first Sunday was full of delights and challenges. First, we had the privilege of partnering with a kid's bus ministry. The remainder of the week, we had the same two little boys; cool thing was, they came every night.
We had a very tight-knit group that week, with Tyler sitting in (being in services, not clubs), us three girls (Jenn, Hannah and I) handling Happy Heart with Lindsey, Josh and Abby as our helpers of the week, and for most nights, Colin and Andy. Oh, the quotes of those nights. My favorite is still this one. I had the kids sit down and said "Okay, guys, I'm going to ask y'all some questions about the story we just heard, and if you want to answer, just raise your hand and-"  
And little Andy raises his hand and immediately shouts out "The woman!"
He was, in fact, referring to Miss Abdula, the saleswoman in the Sin the Camel skit. But oh my, he was so emphatic and serious in his outburst. We teachers could barely keep it together, we were trying so hard to contain our laughter.
It was great.
All my allergies and exhaustion and sickness and emotional chaos slammed together and crashed Sunday morning right before  clubs were about to start. I was being attacked with feelings of being worthless and tired of fighting to be loving and passionate and finally couldn't mask it. My compassionate team sister Angela found me, I told her what I was battling. She listened, and prayed with me, and then,   (which I will ever be grateful to her for) decided to step back into her previous year's role as a Happy Heart City Teacher for that morning. I was able to talk some things through with God and take a 2 hour nap. It was one of the weirdest days, really. We had closing service and packed up that night. Monday was lovely. The men on our team have a tradition of putting
on a Valentine's Day celebration for the ladies every year. We all dressed in our formal best, they took us out to a Hibachi restaurant, then back at the church served us dessert by candlelight, lead us in a time of praise and worship, showed us a hilarious video they made called "Life Without the Red Team Girls".  Between the music choices, the grand demeanor in which they treated us  like royalty  all night,  and their explanations of the symbolism in the decorations, we ladies were touched beyond words, and inspired to look at ourselves the way Christ does.
So, we are now in Missouri. :)  This group of children is the most loving and compassionate as a whole that I have yet to see. Each night has been a total joy. God has opened my eyes to see how different my ability to relate to the kids and my teaching is from  when I began last year. He's restored to me a deep love and compassion for them, and it's been like a continual give and receive
every encounter I had with them. Last night ranks as one of the most special nights in my travel experiences so far. Hannah and I had an absolutely hysterical skit; during the worship time, the Lord in His power and goodness allowed me to imagine what it will be like to worship Him in heaven.




Again, this was my incredibly jumbled attempt at recapping the past few weeks. I will hopefully have a new update at the end of this week!  

We are currently in Benton Illinois!  I am so excited because my mom, dad and sister are coming to visit this weekend. :) Prayers for health would be much appreciated as myself and about 5 others on my team are recovering from the flu wave that hit us last week; also, be praying for my team sis Hannah as she today came down with it.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!  I am so very grateful for it. :)  Praise God from who all blessings flow.